The Summerland


A Neopagan, lately deceased, strolled through the Summerland with his next-life guide. It was a beautiful, dulcet day; every day is beautiful in the Summerland. The air today was clear, and fresh and sweet (there was no pollution); the warmth of the perfectly safe sun on one's skin alternating with a light, playful breeze. Mosquitoes and gnats were nonexistent- there was only the Fey to occasionally tug on a lock of your hair, or swing from an earring. The grass beneath the feet of the travelers was springy and comfortable, there were no holes to stumble over, no thorns to step on; just lovely green turf and colorful, fragrant flowers and herbs, as far as the eye could see.

"...and over there," the guide pointed to an ancient clump of magnificent oaks, "is where the Druids hold ritual, and celebrate, occasionally with the Sun God himself. And over there," he pointed to a splendid, temple-like building, hung thick with vines, "Is the palace of Gaia- and anyone else who wants to live there, of course. There goes Pan and some of his nymphs," he went on, smiling, as a goat-footed figure and several scantily-clad female figures sped by, pinching each other in suggestive places and shrieking with laughter. "Sex is okay here, you know, and there is no disease. The Moon goddess lives at the top of that mountain, and every evening you will see her issue forth from her abode on high, surrounded by a gorgeous film of light cloud cover; the lovely crescent glowing upon her forehead."

The Neopagan sighed with delight. "This is even better than I thought it was going to be," he enthused, as they walked through an orchard, heavy with tender and delicious fruits. "Look! Isn't that the World Tree?"

Suddenly the sky was rent from above with an enormous tear and a horrendous noise, spewing forth a group of screaming, twisting, figures. Below them the earth suddenly fissured, opened wide; a molten river could be seen flowing red and hot amongst flames so high they shot up to the very clouds. They quickly engulfed the shrieking group and seemed hungrily to to suck them into the fiery pit, which immediately closed upon them, cutting off huge columns of black smoke, along with their despairing screams.

"What in the name of all the gods was that!?" gasped the Neopagan, convulsively clutching his guide's arm. "That was the most horrible thing I've ever seen!!"

"Oh, that." answered his guide, with a sigh. He patted the Neopagan on the shoulder, said soothingly, "You'll see that happen from time to time. Try not to let it bother you."

"But what was it? How can you ignore something that horrific going on right in front of your nose?? What causes it; how does it happen!?"

"It's the Christians," answered his guide, his lips tightening with annoyance. "They absolutely insist upon it."

Author Unknown